a veteran gets “Media” love

In the past week,  the tabloids and other media was agog over the Royal Wedding of Prince Harry of Britain.  The Duke of Sussex, KCVO (Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order ). Several of my friends on social media posted “enough already”- type memes and commentary.   I probably have a unique viewpoint among them,  in that a “Combat Veteran Gets Lots of Love by the Media”.

Unique among the current British Royal family,  Prince Harry served in combat, in Afghanistan, not just in uniform.  His presence was kept secret for several weeks by the British press.   In typical fashion, some in the media cannot keep secrets.  The Australian press revealed that the Prince was in Helmond province.  Against the Taliban and Al Quaeda,  publishing the whereabouts of a high-value target such as the Prince was unwise, yet the prince continued to serve in theater.  After serving in the British Army for ten years, he has continued to serve in a leading way but for charitable work.

Unintentionally,  I believe,  the news media has made a combat veteran a star.   For a guy with army service, and little chance of ever becoming King ( he’s fifth in line behind his elder brother and  family),  I think it is pretty cool.

image source: Esquire magazine

Biography

Charitable work, past and going forward:

The Telegraph

Wild About Harry by Remembering Lives

Leadership

Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile. Vince Lombardi

In the military, in business, school,  one’s faith, family, and pursuits,  leadership is a challenge that not everyone aspires.  However,  it is a rewarding opportunity for some who embrace it .   While people may naturally recognize a person with the qualities that make a good leader,  fewer know that leadership can be developed.  Some confuse position with leadership, and other confuse management with leadership.   Sometimes opportunity is looking for someone to lead, but fear, doubt, or improper motives get in the way of leading.  What are the characteristics that identify individuals as strong leaders?

 

8 Characteristics of good leadership

Forbes magazine published research that examined what makes a good leader:

  1. Sincere enthusiasm.  Belief in a company, it’s mission, its employees and its products cannot be faked and have that person succeed.
  2. Integrity.  Giving credit where it is due,  acknowledging mistakes, and putting quality ahead of the bottom line, is another.
  3. Excel in communication.  Great leaders are effective communicators.  They instruct, listen, discipline and motivate those they lead.  Weakness in these areas can demotivate and generate sloppiness.
  4. Loyalty.  Leaders are loyal to their people.  It is tangible and benefits are seen in the employees having the tools and support to do their work.  Leaders protect them in times of conflict or crises.   And in turn, that loyalty is given back to the leader.
  5. Decisiveness.  Leaders make decisions, take action, and calculated risks.  They know that consensus -building takes much effort, creates indecisiveness and perceived weakness, and results in applying band-aids instead of solutions.
  6.  Competent as managers.  Good technicians, business people, or a skilled athlete do not translate into managing people to excel.  Competence means people can inspire, mentor and direct others.
  7. Empowering others.  Leaders can recognize and foster in others to perform, possibly make mistakes, take some risks and be creative in achieving the objective.
  8. Charisma.  Good leaders are approachable, friendly, and sincerely care for those they lead.  People follow those they respect and like.

The motivational coach  who for more than twenty years has helped many succeed in business and life,  Tony Robbins , adds confidence and positivity to these principles.  A leader generates confidence in non-verbal ways as well, in manner of dress,  maintaining eye contact when speaking to another, and practicing self-control (not fidgeting). A leader radiates positivity, focusing on that, and not negative “what ifs”.

The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves. Ray Kroc

“Deckplate Leadership” and the Navy Chief

https://www.navytimes.com/news/your-navy/2018/01/29/mcpon-dishes-new-guidance-to-all-cpos/

 

The mentorship I learned as a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy underscores these principles.  For more than a century, the Navy has relied on the most senior and experienced enlisted Sailors in their particular specialty, the Chief,  and the wisdom and expertise of the Chiefs’ Mess,  to execute the mission of the officers appointed over them.  They were not only mentoring junior enlisted sailors, but also the green junior officers that were appointed in the command or unit.  The training I received encompassed these mentioned characteristics.   But it adds some important fundamentals:

  1. When a Sailor was asked “when” he became a Chief Petty Officer (leader) and was confused by the question,  the seasoned Chief responded that he, himself, became a “chief” when he decided to act and think as one.  He just waited for the uniform (rank) to catch up.
  2. A leader is not about his or her achievement, but fostering development and leadership skills in others.  When a Chief empowers others, so that they succeed, this benefits that individual, the mission, and the community of leaders.
  3. A leader still requires the mentoring and support from other more-seasoned and successful leaders, whether through study, personal relationship (mentoring) or community of peers.   The Navy Chief’s Mess, including former (retired) and current Chief Petty Officers is a community that serves this function in perpetuity.

 

United States Navy Chief Petty Officer Creed

During the course of this day, you have been caused to humbly accept challenge and face adversity. This you have accomplished with rare good grace. Pointless as some of these challenges may have seemed, there were valid, time-honored reasons behind each pointed barb. It was necessary to meet these hurdles with blind faith in the fellowship of Chief Petty Officers. The goal was to instill in you that trust is inherent with the donning of the uniform of a Chief. It was our intent to impress upon you that challenge is good; a great and necessary reality which cannot mar you ─ which, in fact, strengthens you.

In your future as a Chief Petty Officer, you will be forced to endure adversity far beyond that imposed upon you today. You must face each challenge and adversity with the same dignity and good grace you demonstrated today.

By experience, by performance, and by testing, you have been this day advanced to Chief Petty Officer. In the United States Navy ─ and only in the United States Navy ─ the rank of E7 carries with it unique responsibilities and privileges you are now bound to observe and expected to fulfill.

Your entire way of life is now changed. More will be expected of you; more will be demanded of you. Not because you are an E7 but because you are now a Chief Petty Officer. You have not merely been promoted one paygrade, you have joined an exclusive fellowship and, as in all fellowships, you have a special responsibility to your comrades, even as they have a special responsibility to you. This is why we in the United States Navy may maintain with pride our feelings of accomplishment once we have attained the position of Chief Petty Officer.

Your new responsibilities and privileges do not appear in print. They have no official standing; they cannot be referred to by name, number, nor file. They have existed for over 100 years, Chiefs before you have freely accepted responsibility beyond the call of printed assignment. Their actions and their performance demanded the respect of their seniors as well as their juniors.

It is now required that you be the fountain of wisdom, the ambassador of good will, the authority in personal relations as well as in technical applications. “Ask the Chief” is a household phrase in and out of the Navy. You are now the Chief.

The exalted position you have now achieved ─ and the word exalted is used advisedly ─ exists because of the attitude and performance of the Chiefs before you. It shall exist only as long as you and your fellow Chiefs maintain these standards.

It was our intention that you never forget this day. It was our intention to test you, to try you, and to accept you. Your performance has assured us that you will wear “the hat” with the same pride as your comrades in arms before you.

We take a deep and sincere pleasure in clasping your hand, and accepting you as a Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy.

Quotes obtained from http://www.brainyquote.com 

Image: (top row, l. to r.): Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Ghandi, John D. Rockefeller; (bottom row, l. to r. ): Steve Jobs, Malala Yousafzai, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein.

 

Now hear this!

23467227_10214700064361881_7515546182225330890_o
November 2017

What would it be like not to fear eating?  Being able to choose restaurant food you like without counting the calories because you already know how to eat?   Or to not shop for larger sized clothes and belts?   Or to no longer hate having your picture taken?   What would you like to accomplish, if health issues from overeating were not the overriding “But”  ?    Travel?  Wear a bathing suit at the beach this summer?    Go to a restaurant without a complex plan of what you can and cannot eat, or how much you need to exercise to compensate for eating?

Or if you are in optimum health and weight, but have to always screen what is vegan, or kosher, or follow other diet-restrictive choices.   From illness, hospitalization, and very restrictive diet, I have lost weight.  But the weight is creeping back.  I need to re-train my attitude about food.

20180511_171940.jpg
May 2018

That’s what fascinated me.     Over the coming days, weeks and months, I’m going to live and breathe a new relationship with food.  There’s a new self-paced learning program that sounds great and has a lot of university- and medical- science research to back it up.    I invite you to check it out.    The program is the BeachBody 2B Mindset.   Check it out here.

a day for heroic mothers

pexels-photo-225744.jpegHappy Mothers’ Day, 2018!       Whether your momma is alive  or living in your memory,  hug her today!

My own mother passed away seven years ago but I have others to celebrate.  My daughter-in-law is expecting our grandchild in August.  My wife has three now-grown sons – she did all the work as I married into the family when they were pre-teens.     But I have a mother to call today, whom I still refer to as “Ma”.   There’s others whom our family has had as ‘second-moms’.     My elder maternal aunt is someone I would have chosen, if that was a thing,  to be my mom.

When I studied Russian in college and then had a opportunity to visit the country ages ago,  I remember how the old Soviet regime had an award for moms: Мать-героиня    or Mother-Heroine.

pexels-photo-302083.jpegWhether you have one whirlwind of a boy, a  seven brides for seven brothers family, or like my wife,  three men- all radically different, celebrate the day.   Give your mom a hug, a phone call, some flowers, and treat her to brunch.    Love you, Mom!

 

a motto for marriages

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit,if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  Philippians 2: 1 – 4

Your spouse did not come in your seabag

Up through the late 1980s,  the military services did not yet offer the kind of training and support that married service members need.   When training was introduced,  the first programs were the ombudsman that informed the unit commanders about the family support systems for the military members in their unit.   Classes through the Family Service Centers in life basics, credit, budgeting, child-rearing, shopping, nutrition, and employment opportunities for the military spouse started a little more than two decades ago.

Is marriage outdated?

For 2017,  the U.S. Government (CDC) issued these statistics for marriage and divorce in the United States:

Number of marriages: 2,245,404
Marriage rate: 6.9 per 1,000 total population
Number of divorces: 827,261 (44 reporting States and D.C.)
Divorce rate: 3.2 per 1,000 population (44 reporting States and D.C.)

One-quarter as many divorces as weddings in 2017!   While divorce statistics have declined a bit, the number of people cohabiting and not getting married may be part of the statistics.  And what factors contribute to divorce?   Without going into the data,  it is probably the same things that people all say – financial difficulties, different goals and attitudes, infidelity,  mental or physical abuse,  health issues, and so on.   People whether gay or straight, and if examined, probably in any other country,  have the same issues.  A lack of common, unifying principles, beliefs, or values that treat each person with  respect and  worth.

The recipe for a failing marriage is actually based on our human nature.  Take two self-interested emotional people and put them legally together.  Remove intimacy,  common goals, and a support network of family and friends.  Add long separations due to the nature of the military job, a culture that is generally foreign to a civilian spouse, and the dangers that any day,  a training accident or hostile action can mean a complete life change for either person in a marriage.

Semper fidelis is not just a Marine motto

Always faithful.  Regardless of someone’s spiritual understanding or lack of one,  there are means to learn how to not merely survive, but thrive as a married couple.  It does take effort and common goals of both persons – daily – to have a successful marriage.  And it is not enough to be a member of the same spiritual, ethnic, or career community either.  It is the commitment to learning, practicing what one learns, treating one another with respect and love and honoring your vows.

Self-paced training

This week, our fellowship in church began a series of lessons from a book by Dr. Gary Smalley,  If Only He Knew, for husbands and for wives, For Better or Best.    The married men began with lessons on checking our tongue, by not spouting off sarcasm about things that irritate us,  and not sharing your “fix it” strategies when your spouse is sharing her frustrations and needs.  These only serve to alienate our children and spouses at home, and those attitudes can also negatively impact your work environment.

A second part of the introductory workshop covered protecting our spouse physically, emotionally, her honor, financially, and with sound principles.  To which were also included our spiritual involvement.  A husband should provide a safe and secure home by regular upkeep or maintenance.  Vehicle maintenance, especially with working spouses is also part of that physical protection.  Emotionally, we should learn to recognize the signs when our spouse is burdened.  Sometimes, husbands can neglect the shared responsibilities for childcare and home.   For most of our spouses who also have careers, this can be overwhelming. It is also a fact that many people suffer chronic depression, so recognizing the symptoms and seeking care for a spouse may be a responsibility of the husband.

Protecting a spouse from negative attitudes or disrespectful comments by other family members is protecting her honor.  Financially,  husbands need to protect our spouses – whether or not they are a two-income family- by setting sound financial goals, spending habits, communication and mutual agreement.  Too many people “fly by the seat of their pants” spending more than their income each month.   And then there are the sins that plague us as men – greed, lust, selfishness, envy, and arrogance or pride that if we men do not actively control – or apologize when something occurs – they can ruin our marriages.

Additional study

The first book  I read on the subject of developing a vibrant marriage was  Strengthening Your Marriage, by Wayne Mack which I bought a few months before I got married eighteen years ago.  This was the basis of a class that friends of ours, married then six years, taught us starting while we were engaged and then for  several months into our marriage.   In a future blog post, I will summarize the lessons from this book.

Over nearly two decades, our church has held several “marriage workshops” for members and invited guests.   The principles that the speakers have shared  cover the mistakes that even biblically-centered couples made.  And the successful application of the principles in this article’s biblical quote.  While I know that Christian couples who do not actively work at the principles for a strong marriage can fail,    I am aware of couples married for decades who do not attend church but with the help they got and the lessons they learned from biblical principles and these sorts of helpful books and seminars,  grew closer to each other and to God.

the Prince got the Pauper fired

Universities revel these days in being all about inclusion, “free speech”, minority rights, and “post-modernism”.   And people who have risen up the ranks to lead universities were all educated in this system for the last thirty or so years, so I would expect them to fight against “oppression”, “class”, working-people’s rights and other “ills” of  this society’s so-called anti-intellectualism. (All of which I believe has more to do with those wielding power and manipulation of those not in power -regardless of party or nationality)  I do not happen to like Rap music, but I never would get someone fired over it.   Yet a college senior administrator, at prestigious Duke University did exactly that.    

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Feric.saretsky%2Fposts%2F10216316226004912&width=500

Lessons of a military life

#2. If you’re gonna be stupid, you’re gonna be strong!

Flashback to 1977

My Navy career had a lot of great life, management, and leadership lessons. Many are undecipherable to those who have not been in military service but range from teamwork, testing physical and mental limits, courage, decision-making, and taking responsibility before being given authority.   In Navy boot camp, the first thing learned is obedience to authority.  Line up, no talking, do not move,  and other commands.  A second is quickly having situational awareness, introduced to recruits around 0400 (4 AM) on their first morning with a barracks wakeup.  On my first morning,  a metal trash can was hurled clattering across the floor.  That, and a simultaneous yell of “Get your @#$ up!”,  by the Company Commander.

For 9 weeks  recruits are converted from civilians into military service men and women.  Attention to detail was another lesson.   A military uniform is worn is a precise manner and everything from stray threads to “gig lines” – proper alignment – and cleanliness are inspected.  Deviations from the expectation often result in exercise – pushups, situps, 8-count body-builders.   In addition, some “special attention” is paid, verbally, to the offender.  However,  everyone in the unit is afforded the same attention.  To build cohesion, the expectation is for others in the unit to help their shipmate improve for the good of the unit as a whole.  Making one’s bed, or rack,  had to be done in an equally precise manner.  Proper stowage of uniform items is also according to regulations.  It was the proper folding and stowage of underwear that earned me “special attention”.  I had reversed the left-right folds prescribed by the company commander.  For that and other misunderstandings, I  became the “Polack” – an endearing term – to the company commander until I graduated and became a “Shipmate”.

 Thirty years later (2005)

Half a lifetime later, I was again in training.  This time it was as a Navy Reservist selected for advancement to Chief Petty Officer (CPO).    There is a century and a quarter of tradition in the Chief Petty Officer ranks, where these senior enlisted men and women train and mentor enlisted sailors and junior officers.  Officers provide the mission and the direction.   Chiefs take their direction and delegate the execution to sailors they place in charge of their division. Chiefs oversee their divisional petty officers,  and they in turn, place more junior petty officers in charge of division Workcenters made up of several sailors. The purpose is to identify and mentor sailors to gain leadership skills and advance up through the ranks.  To be a trusted member of the Chiefs’ Mess, a First Class Petty Officer, who may be technically proficient,  has to be trained to think and act, not for self-promotion,  but to delegate and mentor more junior sailors.  Also, it is a Chief who deflects criticism,  rebuke or conflicting directions given by a junior officer to an enlisted person in their division.  It is the Chief who relies on advice from the years of expertise within the Chiefs’ Mess, to lead sailors, handle interpersonal conflicts, maintain discipline, and mentor junior officers to perform to the Commanding Officer’s expectation of warfighting proficiency.

As a Chief Petty Officer Selectee, prior to the promotion ceremony each September, each undergoes  a period of training (exercise, team-building, lessons in leadership, traditions and CPO history) and builds camaraderie within the Mess.  This formally begins when selection results are reported.  And there are invitations to Chief Petty Officers, both on Active Duty and Retired to participate in the “Season” to build the sense of identity as a Mess.

To this very day, I still chuckle over the introduction of our trainer, a Chief Petty Officer who carried a bullhorn with a frequently-used siren.  He combined exercise with Question and Answer sessions. We had “homework” every day, including Navy lore, songs, and so forth. We were supposed to share everything we learned and help our fellow Selectees with tasks and such.  If we “failed” the answer or task, our trainer had a memorable response:

“If yer (sic) gonna be STUPID, yer gonna be STRONG!”

And then,  “DOWN and give me twenty (push ups)!”

Everybody laughed, labored, and “suffered” together but everyone learned.  And everyone got stronger, leaner and became a member of the Mess.   But then, in the last ten years, politics, social pressures, and a lack of clear direction ( a military needs clear objectives), also affected the leadership at the deckplates.  But being a member of the CPO Mess,  “Chief Petty Officer, United States Navy”, is the recognition I will treasure for life.

I think a lot of the issues that were reported during the last ten or fifteen years within the leadership – the Chiefs and the Officer community – was due to abandonment or at least a minimalist approach, to training the Chief Petty Officers and mentoring junior officers.  I hear it is returning to the tried and true.